Some men look like steaks stapled to a two by four. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is not just some man. The Rock is grass-fed sirloin, welded to a mahogany table.
He’s like if someone looked at a Greek statue and said “Yeah this is alright. But what if Rob Liefeld made this?”
Needless to say, this mahogany desk of a man is, at present, the highest paid actor in Hollywood. It is due to this and because he is a wrestler, Chaos has seen fit to drag me out from my cellar filled with ripped-up knee pads and broken dreams, to talk about what he was like as a wrestler.
Each of these matches kind of illuminates a greater point about The Rock and why he is where he is today. It also reminds you that once he thought being a poorly computer-animated half-scorpion would be his acting zenith.
1: Cena vs The Rock (The mediocre one)
2012 wasn’t that long ago right? Well in wrestling years, it may as well have been the Cretaceous period. It was a dark time, filled with women being portrayed like life sized Bratz dolls, the crowds still lived in hope that CM Punk was gonna be okay… oh yeah, and Wrestlemania looked like garbage. See that weird light pole thing in the background? Yeah there was four of them around the ring. 2012 was the year of the worst Wrestlemania to see live, a very specific accolade that illuminates the general feel of WWE at the time. The match was… it was fine I guess? Two very charismatic guys do a lot of staring whilst the crowd is kind of like “woo I guess”. It picks up but its just so damn long. The reason why I picked this match and indeed the next which feeds into it is it was essentially a two year break up for The Rock with the WWE. I’m not kidding, for two years The Rock would come on TV and yell at John Cena for being a numpty (which, he sort of is), only to be gone for months on end. Which Cena would then make fun of, but the fans didn’t like that because well, he’s The Rock. He is and always will be iconic. The 2012 match was a marquee match, but with the rose-tinted glasses faded, its just not that great.
2: Cena vs The Rock (The Awful one)
Welcome to 2013. What a year that was. Brock Lesnar showed up once and has basically done whatever he wants to in the WWE since. CM Punk is just kind of sadder now. Still an amazing talent but clearly not going to be given the spot he wants. Also a match that was literally billed as “once in a lifetime” (that being last years Rock vs Cena match) has now been chosen to main event this years show…again. I put this here because it is really the nail in the coffin. Rocky really really tried to get some fire back for the WWE but you could just tell he just wanted to go back to Hollywood. It was awful by both men’s usual standards. But at least they tried to fix the awful staging.
3: Mankind vs The Rock (Royal Rumble 1999)
This match. This match is probably one of the most fascinating matches to see in terms of the brutal depths the WWE went to in the Attitude Era. Mick Foley (wrestling as Mankind) taking chair shot after chair shot, hands cuffed behind his back, straight to the top of the head. The Rock, trading microphone and chair, to constantly berate and destroy Mankind.
I certainly don’t condone the level of violence, or the horrifying strikes to the head, but the match itself illuminated what The Rock did well in wrestling. He was so good at making moments feel exactly how they were meant to feel. I think matches like these were why his transition into acting worked so well. This Rock, The Rock who was in his prime, could make people feel exactly what he wanted them to feel. Be that electrified or horrified.
4: Mankind vs The Rock (RAW 04/01/1999)
It’s funny because this match is never viewed in typical lists as a “Rock match”. I get why some people might think this, but it really betrays something Rock actually can do when he wants to. The Rock can give the spotlight to other performers. He can be a main character or a secondary player if needs be. It’s sort of fascinating how he blends in to this main event match with all the run ins and craziness going on. This is also the first night the WWE beat WCW in ratings in 83 weeks. If you want to see a match that typifies what the Attitude Era was or indeed just how well The Rock knew how to play his role, please watch this match.
5: The Hurricane vs The Rock (RAW 10/03/2003)
This is just such a fun match. The Rock is selling himself as a better-than-the-WWE movie star (which less face it, was just the truth) and the comic book nerd, The Hurricane, is essentially baited out like a lamb to slaughter. The whole match is actually pretty back and forth, it switches between Rock swatting the Hurricane down and Hurricane zipping around to out speed the Rock. It’s basically the same as my last entry: The Rock knows his part and where to play it. Also just watch the very end of this match as Hurricane runs out of the ring and does the most adorable jig on the ramp. It will make your day.
6: Jake Roberts, Marc Mero, The Stalker & Rocky Maivia vs Crush, Goldust, Jerry Lawler & Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Okay, okay, putting this match in here shows you how little I care for the importance of rankings. This match is purely about one thing. Little baby-faced Rock, with his stupid hair and awful gear, looking like a lost puppy and way out of his depth. This match isn’t great, honestly, I just wanted to show the above photo. But hey, even back then you could tell this guy was destined for acting, just look at that expression!
7: Royal Rumble 2000
The year 2000 Royal Rumble is considered one of, if not the best WWE pay per view ever made. Yes, you have to ignore one of the most awkward segments ever in a bikini contest which ended in an elderly lady getting her mammas out for the entirety of Madison Square Garden, but it also had some of the best single matches on a card ever. And its main event, the Royal Rumble, was won by the Rock. So, I get to count this on my list of Rock matches that I love. If you don’t like it, go make your own list. Seriously though, the match really came down to the 7 footer Big Show and The Rock. Big Show had the match sewn up and made one tiny mistake that led to him falling out of the ring before The Rock did. The best part was this story led into the Big Show thinking there was a conspiracy against him and crying on TV a lot. To which the Rock just bullied him and got cheered for it. I know nothing about this entry makes sense, that’s why you have to go and watch it.
8: The Rock’s This is Your Life Segment (RAW 27/09/1999)
Look, this isn’t a match, okay? I know, but this literally got the highest TV ratings wrestling ever got in years and for good reason. It’s probably one of the most fun things wrestling has ever done.
If you remember my article about the different kinds of wrestling that exist, you’ll remember me talking about WWE being more about characters. This segment (I say segment and it’s a good half hour long) made Mankind a lovable goof and it humanised The Rock in such a way that he also become beloved. It’s also super great and if you don’t like that I put a segment here, see above about the Royal Rumble.
9: Hulk Hogan vs The Rock (Wrestlemania 18)
I know I’ve had a little bit of fun with some of these entries and, in the cold light of day, Hulk Hogan is a problematic figure in wrestling, but this match is what makes The Rock a star. This is the Hurricane, Mankind, playing your part all rolled into one. The Rock was still in his prime and Hogan was definitely past his. The match was meant to be a heel (bad guy) Hogan up against the face (good guy) Rock. But that’s not what the crowd wanted. So these two men made an entire arena explode.
Is this the best technical match ever? No. Is it fast paced? Not really. Is this match amazing? Absolutely. The Rock made everyone forget what they felt. All the politics in wrestling, the increasingly savvy fan base who learned insider wrestling, The Rock and Hogan stripped it all back to two juggernauts of charisma making you feel chills up and down your spine. I don’t know what more there is to say about it than that.
10: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs The Rock (Wrestlemania 17)
I’ve had a lot of fun at the expense of The Rock as a wrestler. But I do feel this match doesn’t just define The Rock or Stone Cold, it pretty much summed up wrestling. Wrestlemania 17 was considered for many as the end of the Attitude Era. This match was the culmination of one of the hottest streaks in wrestling history. It signified the end of mainstream competition and, in a lot of ways, the end of these two combatants.
This match is why The Rock, even with all the bad damage he caused by returning in 2012, will still be beloved by fans. He will always get that eruption of joy from the crowd, because he was part of a defining moment in wrestling.
Find this match, in some form, find this entire show if you can. It is amazing to watch.
